I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
