Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
