How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
