"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
