This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
