She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
