She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
