Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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