I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
