It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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