You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
