My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
