There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize