Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Say something about gay babies.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
