I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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