Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
