The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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