What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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