So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
