If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
