it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
my liver is dry heaving
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
