i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
