Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
