Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
