I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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