hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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