I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
