Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
