I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
