this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
