i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
