My room smells like vodka and shame
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
