If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
