I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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