I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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