Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We're too hungover to prance.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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