At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
