I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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