Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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