thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
