Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
