I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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