Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
