Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
