just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude i'm inner monologue high
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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