I'm gonna have a badass scar
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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