I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
