Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
bring money and cleavage
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I didn't notice because vodka
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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