I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
