I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
