two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
