How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize