Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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