I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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