who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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