i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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