She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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