The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
