i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize