Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
