I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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