the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
