I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
