Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
