my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
