So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
