woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
