Non-Jews are for practice
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
