what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
