You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How does one acquire holy water?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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