I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
