True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
