I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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