The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize